Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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