o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
