he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
