I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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