Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize