UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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