How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
