the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
