I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
