Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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