he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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