i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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