Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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