Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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