wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Randomize
