Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize