you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
