I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
