some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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