So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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