Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
