My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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