glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
