how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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