yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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