I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
