If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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