Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
