Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize