you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
