This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
