That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Randomize
