I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
The struggles of a small town man whore
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
