last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
