You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
