I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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