Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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