sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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