yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize