I CAN MOONWALK!
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Randomize
