Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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