A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
