wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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