Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
