Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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