it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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