bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
