He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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