He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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