He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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