i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
