I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
