How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
