I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
