I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
