it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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