Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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