Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
