grandma shit on top of the toilet
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
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