Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
