C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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