It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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