Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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