If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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