that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
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