A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
