he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Randomize
