Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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