how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I'm passing your future prison.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
we're making bets on your personal life
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
