he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
