I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
