he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
