just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
