She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
