she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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