It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
