he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
