My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Vodka?
Forever.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
